Well. TV did it again. The college educated nitwits at NBC decided to can Andy Barker after 4 episodes for not being an instant number 1 show.
http://www.ifmagazine.com/new.asp?article=4300It's funny. When people complain about all the trash on TV they always say 'just change the channel'. Have you ever tried changing the channel? If you have, you've probably noticed that everything is almost
exactly the same. With few exceptions, I'll run down the list I stole from some TV executive of acceptable ideas on TV:
Sitcom: Fat, stupid, lazy guy who desperately needs a beer every minute to deal with his blue collar life and unusually hot wife's nagging. May or may not have kids. If not, we can always add some later to boost ratings, because as we all know, it works like a charm.
Crime Drama: This genre really makes those dumb hicks in flyover country feel like they're thinking! Take 1 washed up movie star, add a few unknowns, a metric ton of misused technical jargon, and voila! Smart show! Don't stress over the actors you'll use. If they can deliver their lines in monotone so everyone knows they're smart, and hold a gun, it will be fine. Feel free to throw in some 'gritty' situations, gory close ups and plenty of salty language so we can say we're 'pushing the envelope'. Make sure to give it a name with an acronym followed by the name of the city it is set in, such as H.I.C. LA:Homicide Investigative Cops. An advantage to this genre is unlimited spinoffs. Just make sure if you start off in New York, and you will, move the next show to LA. Those boobs won't even notice it's a new show if they don't see a palm tree in the background.
Reality Show: Take a bunch of people who are too desperate and stupid to read the fine print, put them in outlandish situations like competing on a tropical island, swapping their family members, you know, stuff that everyone can relate to. Take the money you saved on writers and actors and ship these morons to exotic locations from time to time so everyone watching feels like they're rich too! Take the rest of the money you saved and create 18 more shows just like this one. Make sure you hire horny narcissists so it's believable when you use some 'creative editing' to cause problems among the cast.
Quirky Life Drama: This is estrogen captured on film. Talk talk talk. Cry cry cry. Talk. Cry. Don't forget to throw in plenty of 1 night stands and diseases. Make sure you show as much of the sex as you can so we can say we're 'pushing the envelope'.
Political Thriller: Make the hicks feel like the good guys are winning. Lots of political power struggles, explosions for the kids, and talking at gunpoint. At least 1 scene of reckless driving per episode.
The Teen Drama: For the kids, by the kids. Lots of brooding and whining about how life is hard for the characters who should always be rich kids from California. Plenty of sex and drinking. At least 1 character should O.D., get raped, or try to commit suicide every season. Plenty of talking about life and how these kids feel about it with all of their experience. Make sure the token nerdy kid is played by a 30 year old since they will have to use words with more than 2 syllables and it is
impossible to find a young actor these days who can do that since they are all trained up from birth to be a celebrity. Also, since it's set in California, you should only use white kids. I drive from my mansion to my penthouse office like 5 times a week and all I see is white kids.
This is important. If you follow these suggestions closely, you will be given at least 8 seasons to catch on before anyone starts to talk about pulling the plug. If you deviate even slightly and don't get the number 1 spot immediately, your show will be canceled. People won't be able to figure it out and even if it gets good ratings, it's probably because they didn't even realize the TV was on, or the dog hit the remote and changed the channel.
